I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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