wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
