We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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