Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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