We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
