i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
