from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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