I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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