I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
