my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
