Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
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I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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