I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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