there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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