bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have tasted many bathrooms
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