If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
