I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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