: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
