took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
