But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize