Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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