Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
