why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Houston, we have a blender
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
