Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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