I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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