Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?

(408): View more from California

we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.

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(760): View more from California

Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.

(617): View more from Massachusetts

Barney's a jerk

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(559): View more from California

Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair

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(928): View more from Arizona

note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.

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(360): View more from Washington

Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?

(1-360): View more from Washington

I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.

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(312): View more from Illinois

Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.

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