took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
