I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
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She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
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Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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