remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
