please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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