Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
