We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Success! We fucked roommates!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
