Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
