I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
