We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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