Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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