I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
