arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
