how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
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