I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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