Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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