Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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