Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
