I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So squirting runs in the family.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
