be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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