I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
