to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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