Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
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