I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
