He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
