i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize