Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
