I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
