things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
