chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
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I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
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There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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