If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
