living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
