We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i think my tv is drunk
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
