Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
