my mouth tastes like poor choices
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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