I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
