I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just invented taco cereal.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
