if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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