That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
