I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
